...is that you can flip the bird to the last year and look forward to even more shit going down.
If you've been reading the posts for the last couple of months, you know was I was dealing with. I am SOOO happy that this year is a memory. I had to see some ugly sides to people I thought I knew, including myself. I had to see what depths people can sink and not even notice they sank there.
A friend of mine, upon reading my experiences, asked me why it seems that I have an unusally high number of people in my life who have addictions or mental issues. Someone suggested that I have a very accepting nature and that people who are not in their right minds gravitate to me because I don't immediately reject them. Or maybe I have my own mental blind spots and see things that should alarm me as harmless.
I've worked with mentally ill and retarded children and learned to deal with them as not stupid or crazy, rather them not being able to perceive the obvious and to have patience with them. To understand that they don't understand what's happening to them. In adults, it's trying to give them some dignity and control over their situation by trying to make them aware of it and teaching them to cope with humor and a feeling of "it's ok, we all do silly things"
But with addict personalites, which have been on both sides of my family, it's more difficult to forgive and deal with. With the addict, my laid back demeanor does nothing but make them feel they can go to the extreme, cause I won't say anything. Then as the behavior gets more and more outlandish, like a kid trying to get attention, and it gets to a critical point where you realize that the addict is willing and indeed, hell bent, on doing themselves in and making it your fault. Never do they think "Wow..this person is just watching me crack out. I have to stop doing this and get myself together." They either tempt me with something so that I can do it with them and therefore I'm just like them, or when I refuse, they get mad and do it as a "fuck you I can do what i want" gesture. No matter what sex they are or what race. You see the pattern in everyone with that problem.
I've smoked pot, I've tripped on LSD and shrooms, tried E, and love red wine. I won't lie, those experiences were mostly fun and positive. But they happen every once in a while, and I'm not ready to forfeit my life and sanity to them. I conside myself lucky that I was older (28) when I experimented with those things and that I never got caught up in them. But many friends and family DID get caught up and seeing them go through it has scared me. The thought of one bad trip leaving you psycholgically scared for life keeps things real for me.
If you are going through a problem or someone you love is, you have to find it in your heart to try and help. If they don't want to help themselves, then you have to have the strength to walk away.
Thanks to all who offered support, advice, understanding and love during all my "ordeals". Thanks to all those who read this regularly. And thanks to the Universe for bringing the wheel around one more cycle..
Peace and Blessings..
