Tales of a heterosexual, passionate, overgrown tomboy in NYC..

I've come to the conclusion that most people walking around today may be chronologically adult, but stopped mentally evolving around the age of 15 or so. When you are a boy, 14 year old girls are the shit to you because they have skinny girl bodies that start erupting into curves (I agree with the hormones in food theory...I went from a 4'11'' flat chested boy/girl to a 5'5", C cup in the 5th grade..it had to be the chicken.)

The sick shit is that guys never get past the fantasy of the teeny waisted, waif like girl with big tits. Look at Harrison Ford and fucking Callista Flockheart.. You KNOW dude is playing out some weird young girl kink with her in his head. Then if you see a woman who fills out or has a baby or just ages and rounds out, you get all disgusted and start thinking of your mom, and start cruisin' the junior high schools...sick bastids...

But, if men only knew how dark the shadow side of the feminine goes, they'd all be gay..

Women do foul shit like when they got a cute boyfriend. He's a trophy guy on a more subtle level. As long as she thinks it's only her friends that find HIM cute, then she's prancing around like a queen with a stud on a leash...But don't let homey be attracted to one of HER friends. You wanna see how quick THAT shit turns around? Women are equally as shallow as men, just for different reasons and they play games on more subconscious levels..

Money comes and goes. I need a guy who can make me laugh and know when to leave me alone. I'm pretty flexible about everything else... Money does help grease the wheels of progress, but a great sense of humor lasts, even when the money doesn't... As far as my reasons for wanting a sense of humor: I am the only girl in my immediate family, hanging with my brother and boy cousins and guy friends and watching how simple they are...a sense of humor is sometimes the only reason you stick around. I have dated many different types of men, but the one thing they always had in common was a wicked sense of humor. A not so cute guy can get way cuter if he's funny...You’d be surprised.

It is a pre-requisite for me that a man have a sense of humor. The odds are slim that I would ever go out with anyone who wasn't on, some level, witty...I am really attracted to funny, intelligent men...Sometimes a sense of humor is the only reason to STAY with someone when all else seems lost . I will admit that there is something about men who are really funny that is attractive, even if he outwardly is not. I've known many funny men that had a certain bullshitters charm to them that made them cute.

Other than that, my requirements are simple...

Know when to leave me alone. If I'm watching a movie or reading a book or sleeping or hunched over my laptop with headphones on bobbing my head and looking intense, leave me the fuck alone. Either add your special brand of wit and finesse to the situation or find your own shit to do, go play a game of something, go to a tittie bar...just leemme alone...damn..

BUT know when to come back...I promise I can do the same for you..

Make me laugh and you'll have a very understanding gal on yer hands...I’m very low maintenance in this respect...I can be quite accommodating to a smart witty guy...if your idea of a joke is farting, you'd better be able to fart out a Led Zeppelin song. You can even have a beer gut and be a little overweight...not orca fat, but a burly guy is kinda sexy in a Teddy bear/Lumberjack kind of way..a beer gut makes an excellent humper bumper..

There's a secret prize for geeks and nerds. It’s chicks like me who think knowing stuff is cool. I used to be so shallow, going for the tall good looking gigolo studs. Then I wised up and got to know Mr. Everyguy with his Above Average Intelligence. I was shocked at how attracted I was.

Cocky asshole-ness is kind of sexy IF he can switch back to a man who is fun and is good to you. The game of leaving women hanging and getting them jealous only works on certain women. If she KNOWS her man is feeling her and he does some "yeah, baby..I'll call u later" and assholes out with some other chick, he'd better hope she has no self esteem, because if she does, the game flips. Now she's keeping HIM hanging and he's not digging it... It's all just a big ol’ game to see who can control who.

I say everybody just give in already and love who turns you on the most. Life is too short to be getting so nit-picky about what you need to have. Be in love with the idea of love itself and accepting people as they are and you may find yourself unexpectedly happy, or at least, in the words of George Carlin, moderately neato.